December 9, 2012: Our Wedding Day
Legally Wed--Bruce and Rick Get Hitched
(c) 2012 by Rick R. Reed
On December 9, 2012, my now-husband, Bruce and I made history, both personal and on a much bigger stage. We shared our history-making day with many, many other couples in our state, all couples who were coming together for one reason—to commit themselves to one another in love and marriage.
Legal Marriage.
See, Bruce and I wed on the first day marriage became legal in Washington state. This alone is significant, what’s even more significant is the fact that this was the first time in US history that same-sex couples were able to do this because the ability to marry had been voted in by a majority, a popular vote, thwarting those who proposed a referendum that existed for division, prejudice, and discrimination.
Love does triumph.
But this little piece isn’t really about major societal changes or the tide turning toward what is now called “gay marriage,” and what I believe will one day simply be called “marriage.” No, it’s about waking up this morning and saying to Bruce, “I feel different today. Do you?”
And he agreed. Because our small wedding yesterday—and our entering into such a solemn and loving commitment—was a sea change in our lives. Even though we have been together for more than a decade and we have seen each other through good times and bad, sickness and health, and all the other assorted things we call life that committed couples endure and celebrate together, we could never call ourselves married. Not really, not without some modification, like “in our hearts” which is significant indeed, but it does not change the fact that, up until yesterday, saying we were married or calling each other husband seemed a bit like playacting.
But now we are married—for real, witnessed by dear friends, and celebrated, thanks to the wonder of social media, far and wide. And things now feel more contented, more settled, more real. Of course, I love Bruce with all my heart and have always done so, but maybe, just a little, I feel more like we are a family since we took that emotional step yesterday when we slid rings on our fingers, said our “I wills” and kissed as our friend, an ordained minister, pronounced us married in front of our fireplace with our Boston terrier, Lily sitting at our feet, and our friends nearby, alternately weeping and smiling. It was also special that the ceremony was performed by our dear friend, Bruce Harrington, an ordained minister in the UCC church.
It was a big moment and one that will take a while to fully process. But for now, let’s just say I can look at the future with a bit more hope, my heart a bit more grounded, my hands joined with a man who I know will be my best friend, my partner, my lover, my everything, for the rest of my days.
Married.
In lieu of vows, I found a poem by Roy Croft called “Love” that I believe so perfectly summed up what I felt and am feeling that I wanted to share it with Bruce over any traditional wedding vows.
In closing, I would like to leave you with that poem, and my sincere hope that you may find or have someone in your life to be able to think of when you hear these words. Because, that my friend, is all that really matters.
Love by Roy Croft
I love you
Not only for what you are,
But for what I am
When I am with you.
I love you,
Not only for what
You have made of yourself,
But for what
You are making of me.
I love you
For the part of me
That you bring out;
I love you
For putting your hand
Into my heaped-up heart
And passing over
All the foolish, weak things
That you can’t help
Dimly seeing there,
And for drawing out
Into the light
All the beautiful belongings
That no one else had looked
Quite far enough to find
I love you because you
Are helping me to make
Of the lumber of my life
Not a tavern
But a temple.
Out of the works
Of my every day
Not a reproach
But a song.
I love you
Because you have done
More than any creed
Could have done
To make me good.
And more than any fate
Could have done
To make me happy.
You have done it
Without a touch,
Without a word,
Without a sign.
You have done it
By being yourself.
Not only for what you are,
But for what I am
When I am with you.
I love you,
Not only for what
You have made of yourself,
But for what
You are making of me.
I love you
For the part of me
That you bring out;
I love you
For putting your hand
Into my heaped-up heart
And passing over
All the foolish, weak things
That you can’t help
Dimly seeing there,
And for drawing out
Into the light
All the beautiful belongings
That no one else had looked
Quite far enough to find
I love you because you
Are helping me to make
Of the lumber of my life
Not a tavern
But a temple.
Out of the works
Of my every day
Not a reproach
But a song.
I love you
Because you have done
More than any creed
Could have done
To make me good.
And more than any fate
Could have done
To make me happy.
You have done it
Without a touch,
Without a word,
Without a sign.
You have done it
By being yourself.
Congrats Rick & Bruce! Just as wonderful reading this the second time!
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